One year ago today my life changed. I did something that I never thought possible, I dug deep and found strength that I didn't know I had. On July 20, 2007 at 35 weeks I gave birth to healthy, boy/girl twins. Not my twins, but the twins of a chidless couple. I was their Gestational Surrogate, or "carrier" as some would rather call it. It was one of the best things in my life, and somehow one of the worst. It changed the person that I am. It made me question everything, trust no one, and be the weak one who had to lean on someone else. I'm thankful that my husband was my rock and stood by me every step of the way. Over the past year, the harsh reality that the promises that were made to me were merely a means to a child for this couple, shook me to the core. It also made me realize that life will go on, and I deserve my happy ending. This brings me to surrogacy #2, something I swore I would never do, but something I feel I need to do. I know that the people close to me will caution me against it, out of fear of watching me be hurt all over again. Fortuntely, I have the support of my husband again, and I know that that is what matters.
Today, July 20, 2008, was a date that I dreaded. Deep down I hoped I would hear from the twins' parents. I hoped that they would think of me and realize how they hurt me. It didn't happen. I knew it wouldn't. Instead, I met some new potential parents for me to carry for. What a way to bring things full circle. This couple is so deserving of being parents, they want nothing more. I would love to be able to give them that gift, and yet I find myself hung up on the fact that I trusted my gut the first time, and I got hurt. I don't trust my gut this time. If I'm going to do this again, I'm going to have to learn to trust again, and that is hard.
15 years ago
3 comments:
I'm sorry to hear your first journey wasn't a good one. Did you have in your contract that you wanted contact afterwards? I didn't request any contact other then a yearly picture, but I have been lucky that the dad has given me pictures sooner at my request.
Good luck on your next journey.
Oh Lisa....
How sad. I hate hearing stories like this but they seem to be pretty common. And what a testament to your strength that you are going to do this again! You are an amazing woman.
I'm rooting for you and your happy ending.... I hope my journey has one as well!
Oh WOW I can't believe you're doing it again!!! I will pray very hard for this one to end better. Man, we didn't get our night of margs in- there's always after these babies all get out. I think you're very brave for being pregnant yet again, this is only my second & I am convinced I am done. (I'm thinking it has something to do w/the heat). We do need to do coffee again soon.
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